TEN SIGNS YOU’RE NOT ACTUALLY AS OLD AS YOU FEEL
Sometimes I freak out about how old I am.
I wonder where the days of sleepovers, sneaking out and snack time have disappeared to, and when they were replaced with bills to pay, bosses to report to and boys to cry over (okay so that part hasn’t actually changed…). Why am I so tired all of the time? Where did I leave my knitting needles? Is that a grey hair? And then I remember I’m twenty-three…
This twenty-something-but-feel-like-a-grandma freakout is common right? We all have those days where we look at the teenagers walking home from school and suddenly feel old and serious, and perhaps a little boring. But the truth is, we are still so young and we still have so much life ahead of us. Here’s how you know you won’t qualify for a Senior Citizen’s discount at the movies any time soon…
1. Your mother still does your washing. I don’t even live at home anymore and I still go to my parent’s house every Sunday to do my washing/ask mum how to get rid of a two-week-old tomato stain on a white tee shirt/forget to separate whites and colours/forget to read the care label/forget to put in laundry detergent. I also found out for the first time last week that I have been putting the detergent in the wrong hole in the machine….so there’s that.
2. Your childhood pet is still alive.
3. People don’t compliment you on how young you look. You know you’re getting old when someone tells you how youthful your skin looks in the form of a compliment. I still get ID’d at R-16 movies so I think I’m good.
4. You still like your hands. Apparently it’s your hands that give your age away. The ladies with the best face lifts, botox and filler still aren’t fooling anyone because they’re hands look like Betty White.
5. You don’t start sentences with “Well, in my day…”. Yeah, sure we love to reminisce about our Prank Day at high school and how the teenagers these days seem to have skipped the horrific puberty of greasy hair, pimples and braces that we endured, but we don’t talk about it like that old lady in Titanic crying about how she fell in love with Jack like 200 years ago.
6. You still ask your mum to book your appointments. Why are we so scared to talk to adults on the phone?
7. You don’t give a sh*t about gardens. Why are our parents obsessed with tomato plants, coriander, soil and Derris Dust?! If you don’t get the hype, you’re not old.
8. Your knees/hips are still legit.
9. You don’t watch Prime News or listen to Newstalk ZB.
10. You don’t care about watching the Queen’s message on Christmas Day. Is it just my parents who insist on watching Queenie ramble on about nothing for like half an hour when I’m in the middle of opening my Santa stocking? Not cool mum. Not cool. (Also if you still get a Santa stocking, you’re not old…)