For Lovers In Lockdown, Phone Sex Is Surprisingly Effective

21.05.20

What will sex be like in a post-Covid world?

Will singles have forgotten how to do it? Will it feel decidedly unsexy now that we know our favourite way of exchanging bodily fluids puts us at risk of getting a virus? Will people find themselves exchanging horror stories of at-home wax jobs? Or will the population finally get-like-Gwenyth and embrace the 80s bush? Lord help us all.

For couples who found themselves in separate lockdown locations – for reasons ranging from the nature of their work to mandatory quarantine – the pandemic very quickly changed the way they approach intimacy. Put simply: they had no choice but to take things digital, thus leading to the rise (and rise) of phone sex, sexting, and ye old nude piccys. 

Of course, none of these things are unique to the pandemic – people have been sending NSFW images to each other ever since phones got camera capabilities, but never has this been our *only* option. Rather, it was a tool in the tool kit. And some people had let the tool gather more dust than others. Sarah, for example, had been sexting with strangers on dating apps long before the lockdown hit, “I’ve always loved the novelty of not knowing the person. You don’t know any of their annoying qualities! I get such a rush from sending someone naked pictures and videos, and knowing that I’m turning them on turns me on too.” Same with Liv, who has sexted with both women and men in the past, but noted that this was the first time it was her only option: “Sadly, I still feel just as weird doing it now as I did when I was a teenager sexting until the wee hours of the morning on my pink flip phone.”  Then there were people like Rosie, who said sexting has always been an effective way for her to communicate her desires: “It allows you to discover what your partner really likes, which is important early on in a relationship. When a guy you’ve been dating starts sexting you, you’ll quickly learn the things that really get him going, as those will be the topics or scenarios he routinely brings into the conversation. It’s a really non-offensive way to work into a conversation what you want in bed and I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who is struggling to feel satisfied.” 

Okay, so what about those who had never sent a topless image to someone, let alone simulated sex through FaceTime? For Laura and her boyfriend it was something that required a little patience: “Nude video-calling over the lockdown was new! I still found it a tad uncomfortable, despite it being with someone who has obviously seen it all before. My boyfriend on the other hand absolutely loved it, and it was a nice reassurance for both of us that the spark was still there. I gradually felt more comfortable being naked; initially only showing my boobs, and then eventually building the confidence to move things further south.” Olivia experienced the same boost in confidence: “I had never sent any nudes before, but after isolating separately from my boyfriend something clicked! I sent him a couple of pictures and it helped fill a gap in our relationship that we were both missing. And it’s surprisingly addictive! There’s the anticipation of waiting for the response, plus the feeling of doing something you shouldn’t be. I didn’t expect it to be so enjoyable. I started off sending them for my boyfriend’s benefit but now I’m doing it for myself too.”

But it wasn’t just girls who enjoyed themselves. Rosie said, “I enjoyed seeing how creative my boyfriend would be with the fantasies he came up with during phone sex and how dirty he would get – when you’re not face-to-face with someone I think there’s this element of “anything goes”, so you feel more comfortable voicing your wildest fantasises – I was surprised by how kinky he was!”. Josh pointed out that sexting can be just as important outside the confines of a pandemic, “It keeps your relationship fun and gets both parties excited for when you inevitably see each other later that day. My only advice would be to go into as much detail as possible.” But it wasn’t just for guys in relationships – it was also popular among singles like Sam, “I’ve been getting a lot more incoming traffic, and have also been more responsive to it than I’d usually be. It feels cheeky and exciting.” And while we’re on the topic of guys, Tilly had a little PSA: “This won’t come as a surprise to many, but I find that in heterosexual relationships, girls do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to sexting and nudes. We’re expected to get creative with words and narratives and sending pictures, all with the expectation of masturbating at the same time. More often than not the guy is going at it while I’m, like, doing the dishes and trying to text or capture a photo. It’s not that I don’t like the experience, it’s just that I prefer to save our conversation and read it later when I’m not preoccupied with trying to take a good nude and can actually enjoy myself.” Fair, Tilly. Fair.

Actually the advice from readers was plentiful: 

“Always shoot in daylight when the sun is coming at you from the side – that’s how you get definition.”

“Voice notes Do. Not. Work. They’re just awkward to receive.”

“Get a secure folder on your phone and save every good nude to that folder, because some nights you just feel more confident than others and it can be hard to make your boobs look good when you’re tired, you know?”

“If you’ve had an argument, send your boyfriend or girlfriend a text that says “Don’t open my next message in front of anyone.” And then just don’t text them again and they’ll be pacing around the office, hyped up for a nude image that is never going to arrive hahaha.”

“If you know you’ll be using your vibrator on a Zoom call with your boyfriend…wine helps.”

“It’s a massive turn-off when a guy you’ve only just met is way too eager to send you photos of their bits.”

“It’s always more exciting if you send someone a nude when you know they’re asleep, so they have something to wake up to.”

“Only send nudes through Snapchat so that you’re notified if someone takes a screenshot, and always leave your face out of the shot just to be on the safe side.”

But I think it was Emily who delivered the most sage advice, “If you’re sending a picture or video of yourself, always set the mood first. I recommend ‘Tempo’ by Lizzo.

Noted. 


Header image via Tumblr