Indecent Exposure: When Bad Nip Slips Happen to Good People
Accidental nudity. It happens to the best of us, right?
One minute you’re fully clothed walking briskly up Queen Street, only a few blocks from work, and the next minute you’ve flashed your “Monday underwear” to every pedestrian within a one kilometre radius, including a colleague you will later be stuck in an elevator with and have absolutely nothing to talk about other than the aforementioned flashing.
Or you’re being introduced to a cute guy in a bar and decide to go in for the friendly hug just to show you’re “chill like that”, when you feel a gust of wind between your bare breast and your no-longer-cute blouse that suggests the sellotape you carefully placed to keep your nipples safely within your top have failed you.
In my case it was a double nip slip witnessed by all of the most eligible bachelors at my university hostel. We were at our annual ball held at Larnach Castle in Dunedin (because of course it happened in Dunedin) and there’s really no exciting way to tell this other than a guy came over to dance with me and was clearly feeling a little risqué; he swung me around in my floor length gown and then attempted to “dip” me like they do in french films and “swoosh” me back up again.
He “dipped”, and my floor length gown became a skirt.
My dress had slid all the way down to my hips and there wasn’t a bra, nor a piece of tape, to save me. Sadly, I was a few drinks in and my reaction speed was well-below par so it took me about 10-15 seconds to realise what had happened, at which point my friend Rosie had tackled me to the floor and covered me nipple-baring body with her hands. Which, in itself, was kind of mortifying as well.
There was no “swoosh”. Just a “thud” as I hit the floor, tits out, dignity gone.
So that’s my indecent exposure. But what’s an innocent nip slip compared to full frontal nudity on your first day at a new job?
Here to give you some more Monday hilarity is one of my best friends who kindly offered to share her story. Because often once something stops being mortifying, it starts being hilarious.
“It was my first day in a new job at an emerging start-up company of about 30 people.
Everybody was smart, funny and interesting, and I was loving my new environment compared to the dull corporate job I had moved from. The small office was located near a beautiful park where a lot of my colleagues would exercise during their lunch break. Eager to make a good first impression and fit in, I decided to bring my gym gear to work and went on a run with some of the girls in my team.
The run went well and I was feeling good about my new found friends. Post-run I hopped in the shower to quickly freshen up before returning to my desk.
Not long into my shower my worst nightmare began to unfold…The door to the shower – which looks out onto the entire office – slowly but surely started to creep open.
I went into a state of panic, and only one word came to mind. F*CK. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck. Was this actually happening? Is the entire sales team about to see me naked in the shower? How did I forget to lock the door?!
From then on everything went into slow motion, which I know sounds cliche but it’s a real thing and it happened. Aware of my impending fate I decided to jump out of the shower and run towards the door. I saw my Sales Director sitting at his desk, my stark naked body just metres away from him.
I reached for the door handle and just as I did he looked up from his desk to see my naked body in full view. Mortified, I slammed the door and contemplated what had just happened.
The next day we had a very awkward laugh about it (I had to bring it up!), and needless to say, I could never look at him the same way again.
It was a first day neither of us would quickly forget.”